Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
