Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
