What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
