I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
