On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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