My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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