FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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