I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
