Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
