I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
