Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
