I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
