I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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