i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
