nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize