it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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