see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize