I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
