i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
