Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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