my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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