I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
