I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
organizing the empties. That sober.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
