You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
