Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
