i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
