My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
