You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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