Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
