I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
