Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
