I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
