guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize