Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
