Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
