Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
