Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
