dude i'm inner monologue high
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
