dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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