Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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