Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
