honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
