dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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