please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
