I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
