I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
