Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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