i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
