Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
