we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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