if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
