Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come share oat with me in your robe
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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