I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
