my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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