Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
