just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
