Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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