i barfeds in our rink
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had to cum in my sink.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
