I could have mohawked her pubes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
