i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fuck appropriateness.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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