the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
