goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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