i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you bring me the toilet please
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
