is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
