so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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