Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
