im about as happy as oj after his trial
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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