remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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