My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
